FIRST DATE

A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date and her mother warned her...
"1st he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name, ok"
Next day, girl told Mom, "Everything happened exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family."

Have a good laugh

70 year old man asks his wife..."Do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls?"

Wife replied "No, not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it."

Classic jokes

Classic jokes :-)

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

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Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means,"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

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Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says,you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

Brenda

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" the man asked.

The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Brenda on it that I found in your pants pocket".

The man said "When I was at the races last week, Brenda was the name of the horse I bet on"

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. "Your horse called up"

Salt

This real incident happened almost two years ago on the air....

Our local DJ on a Radio Station asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions.

The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.

She asked: "Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride"

A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked the DJ for a clue.

"Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning." she said.

The lady confidently said : "Talcum powder".

The DJ did not return to the air until after a few songs!

Trust you enjoy the meaning of it. Ha!!!

from women to women

Women at their best
Yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.

We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!

He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is..........
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The mechanic fainted!! J (Oil).

2

Truckers Heaven or Hell Test

3 truck drivers died and met St. Peters at the Pearly Gates.There was a JB Hunt, a Wal Mart, and an ole bull hauler truck driver.

St. Peters said, "I'm going to ask you 2 questions, I want you to answer them honestly."

He asked the JB Hunt and Wal Mart driver, "Have you ever cheated on your log books?"

They replied, "No sir."

St. Peters asks, "You ever cheated on your wife?"

They replied, " No we sure have'nt."

St. Peters says, "You 2 go to door #1."

The ole bull hauler walks up there and St. Peters asks, "Have you ever cheated on your log book?"

The ole bull hauler replies, "Fuck yes I have, drove from New York to L.A. and never wrote down an hour either way."

St. Peters asks, "You ever cheated on your wife?"

The ole bull hauler replies, "Oh hell yes, there's this bitch in New Mexico that gives the best blow job in the world!"

St. Peters tells him, "You go to door #2."

The ole bull hauler strolls over and looks back at St. Peters, "Why am I going to door #2 and those 2 assholes are going to door #1?"

St. Peters replies, "Cause those 2 are going to hell for lying and you and I are going to New Mexico !"

Jokes on Car brands

AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

BMW : Brings Me Women but Broke My Wallet

FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

FORD : Fast Only Rolling Downhill

HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable and Inexpensive

SAAB : Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything